How I Stopped Playing the Victim
I have felt like a victim almost my whole life. I don't know the psychology behind it — maybe it started when my dad died as I was going trough puberty? All I know is I became very familiar with the role and took it on for way too many years into adulthood.
I am now in my 40th year of life and so much has changed in a few short years. This was the last picture I took of my mom and I before she died.
Actually the last picture of her standing. This picture is an insanely strong image for me as I look at my moms eyes looking at herself in the mirror for the last time.
As women we look at ourselves numerous times a day and how many of those times are we kind to ourselves? Or are we looking for faults, wrinkles, folds, grey hair? My mom was skin and bones when she died but this photo shows her grace, compassion and faith all in one.
Her words and poems during her entire battle with cancer was not "why me"...it was "why not me". She didn't concern herself with why this was happening to her. She was concerned with much greater questions like:
how can I help others go through what I'm growing through?
how can I give back?
how can I show the world my faith in a God who has a purpose for everything and gives peace that surpasses all understanding?
We are not called to understand, we are called to love. We are called to help others, we are called to care. I have learned and trained my brain and heart out of my victim mentality and have adopted a new role for what I'm praying is the better half of my life.
Everyone experiences pain. ALL OF US will experience death. YOU ARE NOT ALONE • I am now asking:
how can I help
how can I love more
how can I be kinder
how can I love deeper
There is no greater freedom than taking responsibility for your thoughts and actions and emotions.
Remember there are seasons for everything. I have lived in a strong athletes body who was the 6th fastest cyclist in the world for #triathlon in China. I have lived in a slender models body that worked internationally for over a decade. I have grown 3 humans in my body.
Through it all I know that my environment or body shape or marriage status doesn't determine who I am. My circumstances do not define me — my attitude does. The reason I workout is so that I continue to train my brain to fight through pain. If a season of sickness were to come into my body I would have the strength and immunity to fight (not to do another cover of a magazine).
Our bodies are just a shell of who we are but they are also a superpower if we help them be. My mother and father both dropped down to under 99lbs with their cancerous bodies and because my mom was in good physical shape her whole life she was still able to squat down unassisted on the toilet (something most of us take for granted).
Throughout every season try to find purpose and passion for where you are and where you want to be. You are so much more than a number on the scale.